Nothing makes you stop and think like trying to answer the questions of an almost four year old boy. We'll be driving along, and out of nowhere, Caleb will come up with very large questions, obviously having been pondering the thought for quite some time.
"How big is God?", Caleb asks me the other day. I paused to think, then answered, "Well, Caleb He is everywhere all of the time, and He made everything. Therefore, He is bigger than anything we could imagine."
"Is God bigger than a train?", he asks.
"Is He bigger than our car?"
"Is our car smaller than a train?"
After several moments of silence, Caleb finally retorts, "Well, I think if we had a measuring tape that wouldn't fall over when you hold it up, then we could measure God."
As much as I chuckled over that interaction, I began to think that even I - the big grown up in charge, can't really fathom the limitlessness of God. Funny, Caleb tries to fit the puzzle together in the things he sees, knows and understands - trains, cars, tape measures. I see it in the abstract things. I see it when I observe how quickly my two little sons are growing. How Emet picks up new words and phrases each day, how Caleb ponders life and all that it holds, how they both cling to their Mama and Papa wanting to be held and comforted - each as much as the other, seeking and basking in our attention. When I realize that I have been given these precious gifts to love and hold and raise for a purpose.
I see it when I think of our little baby girl, Anna Ruth, inside of me, literally being knit together by God, even as I type. I see it as I ponder that completly separate from our living bodies - we have minds, feelings, and souls. Each of us - unique and different, trying to make our way through the world and figure it out, find our niche, find our purpose.
I'm not sure I'll ever capture the many many changes that have occurred over the past few months in both of my little boys, soon to be 4 and 2......Emet with his "This side?" referring to whatever you are NOT giving him at the time....the once docile little one who now fights for his rights against his brother when he feels he has been wronged. Caleb with all of his rages contrasted by many moments of maturity as he tenderly touches my stomach and asks about "Baby Anna Ruth", or as he prays at breakfast. This morning's prayer went something like this:
"Dear God, Thank you for this day. Please watch over Papa as he drives for work, and Mama while she is 'pre-ge-nat'. Let our light shine. In Jesus name, Amen."....to which Emet chimes in "Ma-Men!!"
I'll likely never fully capture the awe and wonder of being pregnant, of having a child growing inside of me - moving around, receiving life and nourishment from within my own body. As I observe my growing little boys, I realize that they too came from this beginning, yet here they are - full of life, soul and personality.
Yes - these are the times when I am in awe of God, when I cannot fathom "How big is God?" What I do realize, however, is how small I am.