18 Months: Abundant Joy

Oh my, Gracie. What a month this has been! You have simply blossomed, turning further and further away from your recent days of babyhood and charging headlong into toddlerhood....smiling, grinning, and being silly the whole way.

 

At almost exactly 18 months to the day, you began repeating most words we would say to you.  Sometimes they sound like what we said, and sometimes they don't.  But, it's clear you are listening closely and repeating them back to us. 

Your little (or not so little) personality is continuing to develop too.  Gracie is NOT to be left behind!  You smile, flirt, hold your hands up be picked up and held.  There are simply so many ways you bring joy to each and every moment.  And you are so very loved by your brothers and sister.

Though you love your brothers and sissy, if you are not in the mood to be picked up, flung around, or talked to within inches of your face, you have begun to give them your frown, loudly say, "No!" and push them away.  This has also started with a little friend, about 5 months younger than you, if he infringes upon my attention when his own Mama isn't nearby.  You literally position yourself between him and me and push him down if he begins to stand up as if coming towards me.  I've also seen you take a bite out of sissy a couple of times when she hasn't heeded your push and loud warning.  Thankfully, this doesn't seem to be a habit......so far, at least!  

You LOVE to dance.  Love, love, love it!  It's as if you can't even control yourself when music starts to play, and the first thing you do is raise up your left elbow and cock your head to the side with a sparkle in your eye and an open mouthed smile on your face. 

When you are approaching your brothers and sisters as a group, you will sometimes put your arms both behind you and bend forward a bit. It's as if it is your natural response to wanting to be part of a group.  You'll also throw both arms back and bend over when you are being stubborn too

The little words and phrases we are hearing constantly are "Papa?", "No!" "No?" or a playful and musical "Nooooo." "Mama.  I need you." is still a big one, and "Bye!" is becoming super clear. "Cheeeeeese" is what you know to say for the camera.  "Than kyow" (Thank You) and "Cheese" (Please) and " Men" (Amen) is coming around more frequently after our prayer times. And given your propensity to eat, and eat a lot I might add, you really love the word "Moe!" (More) On a good day, it is "Moe Cheese"! We see you pointing on saying "Dat one" (That one)or "Dis" (This) a lot.  Many of your words are becoming recognizable, "Shoe?" "Boo?" (boot). You, like your brothers and sister, seem to use a question for every word, as if you're checking to see that you got it right.  You'll attempt all of your brothers and Sissy's name, "Eh met", "Aa Ooh" "Cay eh" but there still unclear enough that I'm not sure I have them quite right....especially late at night, hours after I've heard you say it last.  When you pick up a piece of garbage or old food to eat, or when we're changing your diaper, we always say "No, don't touch, Gracie.  Yuckies!"  You repeat back, "Yuckies?" then sometimes repeat "Yuckies" and nod your head knowingly. 

And speaking of yucky, your favorite past time seems to be playing in the toilet, or fishing things out of the trash!  You also like to help Mama clean things, and seem to like to combine all of these activities.  Just last week, while in a public restroom, I was helping Anna Ruth to wash her hands.  In the moment I was distracted, you had taken a paper towel, dipped it in a (thankfully flushed) toilet and were washing your face with it. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  The day before, you had reached into a public toilet (again, thankfully flushed) with your thumb, and instantly shoved it in your mouth! Again last week, I was upstairs cleaning a potty accident of your sister, while you were downstairs using a cup from the kitchen to scoop water out of the (yep, you guessed it)....toilet and were flinging it out and into the bathroom.  Some days I simply want to pay someone to pressure wash the inside of our house with bleach. Or, perhaps we'll wait out this beautiful (yet challenging) stage of parenting, and then move....leaving all of our possessions behind. :-)  Knowing how sentimental I am, however, I don't think either of those options will be as easy for me as I know jokingly proclaim.

One of my all time favorite things is still when you shake your head yes. You now shake it from side to side for no, so now an up and down shake most definitely means "Yes."  Sometimes, you'll accompany it with a "Yeah"...but oftentimes still, you respond immediately but silently to my questions with a simple head shake. 

Now that you are crawling up and down stairs with ease, you have this cute little habit of turning around and backing up towards the top of the stairs on your hands and knees.....dangling one leg over the top.  It's adorable!

One of the excitements of your month has been the addition of a beautiful red play kitchen to our living room / kitchen area.  A couple of years back, I was blessed to encounter a woman who was selling the very children's kitchen I had only dreamed about for a reasonable price.....the vintage Pottery Barn red set. In our small house, with my current shelves and décor, we didn't have room for the whole set, so it was out in my craft building, collecting dust and flies.  One day recently, it dawned on me that both of my girls were at a point where they would love to play in this kitchen and would enjoy it very much, but only for the next few years. Would I leave this kitchen in the outbuilding? Or, would I sacrifice my home décor, perhaps inviting some extra mess into the living area by bringing in the toy kitchen.  The latter idea won out, for my heart couldn't stand to not have you girls using your beautiful kitchen!  And, I'm so very glad I did. 

You are absolutely thrilled with the kitchen, and are over there making food and treats for everyone much of the time you are downstairs!  And, this is no great surprise considering how much you love to eat!  The other day, you ate 6 bowls (SIX) of black bean soup, and second and third helpings are commonplace with your favorite foods.  I'm starting to find a few things you don't like, such as cantaloupe and watermelon, but they are few and far between.  Your all time favorite treat seems to remain chocolate, and you recently had another "incident" of getting into a bag of chocolate chips.  (This is becoming a pattern....despite the precautions we have taken.) 

You have a new fascination with the strawberries that are coming from our garden, though you don't seem to mind if they are green or red.  But, oh, when Papa points out a red one....you are on it like a duck on a June bug.  Ah....Mama's good girl.  :-) 

On the last day of school for Caleb, we went to Luke's Legocy Carnival to honor the memory of Luke Jensen, a little boy who died of Leukemia, and to raise money for the Children's Cancer Association.  We had a great evening of fun as a family. One of the things your siblings and I did last year was to get our faces painted.   I had assumed that we wouldn't get yours done this year, thinking you wouldn't sit still and would immediately wipe off your face. However, at the last minute, I decided to go for it. 

It was definitely one of those turning points for me in my assumptions of where you are at in your little mind.  As soon as I put you on the stool, you sat perfectly still and allowed the lady to paint your face, almost leaning into her as if you were very much enjoying the experience of being trusted to be a big girl.  When she gave you a mirror to see yourself, and you looked and looked at it.  Not once all evening did you touch it or try to rub it off in the way that you often instantly remove barrettes from your hair.  (Though, even these you are beginning to leave in if I allow you to choose it, then show you how it looks in a mirror.)  You are growing up, Gracie!  So quickly!!! Before long, we won't even remember you as being a baby anymore.  You'll just be a little person.

This month you and I said goodbye to our beloved "Nursey-Nurse", or "Na na" as you sometimes called it. I've said that phrase now with four children.  Wow....that was hard.  I knew it was coming, as we were down to one feeding each day, but as I had hoped, I didn't know the last time was my last until the next day. I had fed you as usual for our morning feeding in my bed.  Afterwards, you sat up to play.  The next day, I was sick in bed and hoped that the children wouldn't bring you down to me to nurse.  When you did come in the room with Caleb, instead of lifting your arms up and starting to whimper for me to lift you up in bed, you happily held up a half graham cracker your brothers had given you and offered to share it with me.  Then, you happily toddled out of the room.....coming in from time to time to offer me another bite.  I pondered in my heart that day, the previous day might have been the last, and that perhaps it was time - especially since we had had a pleasant experience the day before and didn't know the end.  The next morning, I hopped out of bed before your brother brought you in......the following day we babysat for a friend and had left the house early in the morning, and then, it was over.  For a week or so, it was hard for me, as my body was still prepared to feed you and it was a little uncomfortable.  Then there were a couple of mornings when you asked to snuggle, then pointed and pulled at my nightshirt.  Those times were hard. I simply had to redirect her, saying "No, no, Gracie.  All finished." She understood that, but wasn't very happy about it.  Me neither. 

 It's been two weeks since Tuesday June 4th.....our last day of nursing, and we're doing ok.  I try not to let myself think about it, though sometimes if somebody asks, it makes me choke up a bit.  The emotions I have experienced as a mother have been surprising sometimes. Before having children, I didn't think would ever be so emotionally attached to things.  I had it all planned out based on good reason.  I would, of course, nurse my babies until they were exactly one year, but then I would be done.  I didn't realize how much that special snuggle time would come to mean to me......how deep that bond was between us......how symbolic the act of nursing is to the attachment between mother and child - the dependence, the trust, the tenderness. I could go on. 

For me, saying goodbye this time, was even more significant.  I had held on for a few months longer than I had in the past for the mere fact that this was to be the very last time I would ever nurse a child. This season of my life, that of being a mother of young children, is passing.....the baby stage is now past for us.  Intellectually, and even in my heart, I know that beautiful and new stages lie ahead for our family.  Yet, letting go is always hard....regardless of how much you know or trust the future. 

Your new little security is your blanket, which you call "Baby" and also your stuffed giraffe, also called "Baby".  If we only pick up one or the other, you will turn and point and say "Baby!!" until we get them both.  At this point, both items can be subbed out for replacements, though if it is up to you, you will choose those.   It will be interesting to see how this progresses over time.  Your thumb is still your ultimate comfort and pops in when you are getting really sleepy, when we rock in the rocking chair, and when we lay you down in bed.  It's looking pretty battle weary, but it's hanging in there! :-)

My Little G,  I could write about you for hours, and have already done so!  You are growing and changing before our very eyes, and we love you so.  You are truly our joy.  We love you, Gracie!

One Year Old: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Ah, my dear sweet Grace.  As I sit here nursing you, I know our time together in such a bond is coming to a close.  I'd like to think it will go on forever, but as the seasons of life change from one to another, such things do pass.  But not just yet.  Not yet.  This Mama and her baby girl are not quite ready.  I know we'll have many beautiful times together from here forward.  I'm simply clinging to the now and the recent past.  It is a habit of mine, you know, one I'm working on. 

It is now two weeks past your birthday.  I think I've had a hard time sitting down to write this blog....this final month of the first year. It is hard to finish something sometimes when it means closing a door.  Yet...isn't that what life is all about? Walking forward....being where you are at while you are there, then looking ahead and taking each day as it comes.....celebrating and learning from the changes we encounter.  Growth.

And you are growing faster than I can imagine!  Tall and big.  You're easily fitting in 18 month clothing and some 2T shirts and dresses!  Was it only a year ago you were in newborn clothes?

In your third month, I wrote:

"I am reminded of the description of St. Nicholas in Twas the Night Before Christmas.....fitting for our Grace Noelle: 'Your eyes - how they twinkle - your dimples so merry, Your cheeks so like roses, 
your nose like a cherry.' "

Oh how true this remains of you! You are a bright star!  When you smile, the world seems to light up, and then on seeing our reaction to you, yet another level of brightness shines forth.  Unbelievable you are......dimples so cute, countenance so bright, eyes so sparkly.  Twinkle Twinkle Little Star indeed.


You are standing alone now, without the support of furniture or cabinetry.  In fact, the day before your first birthday, you took your first steps, alone, in the center of our kitchen. From squatting you rose up.  Caleb and I saw you, and then, with a gleam in your eyes and a brilliant smile on your face, you stepped forward again....then again.  We were beyond excited, and the more excited we got, the happier you became.  Emet came running down from upstairs, and Sissy started crying in the living room because she had missed it.  And you did it again, for each of them as they entered, and again for Papa that night when he came home.  Now, having more than two weeks passed, and seeing the infrequency with which you do this, I know you did it for us....for each of us.  As crawling is much more expedient, your few steps are typically followed by lowering down to a rapid crawl across the floor, though you will grasp even one finger and walk, quite surely, beside us.  But the minute we let go, down you go. 

I simply cannot adequately express the radiance in the countenance of babies and their families when such milestones occur. There, in those moments, is no shame or fear of public display.....no timidity, simply an excitement proclaiming - "Look at me!  I'm doing it!", or, "I can't believe I'm here to see this!"  And, this simply begins the childhood quest for praise and attention.  It has, of course, been occurring since your wee months, but as you begin to speak - you will ask for it....seek it.....and as your Mama, I will do my very best to quench your every need to have your little tank filled with love and praise.  

To be truthful, I might have confused you a bit, for I had left my planner at Grandpa and Grandma B's house at Thanksgiving and went a few days without it (NOT a good plan for your Mama.)  So, the day prior to your birthday, the kids and I sang happy birthday to you, put on the birthday hat at breakfast, your first birthday shirt, and we headed out the door to Caleb's school honors assembly.  After sitting down and sharing your first birthday news with those sitting around me, Papa soon arrived to point out that that day was not, in fact, November 29, and therefore NOT your birthday!  I quickly took the onesie off to save any further embarrassment. So, perhaps you had been holding out to take your first solo steps until your birthday and I confused you.  Or, maybe you just wanted to be the first in the family to walk.  Either way, you were our youngest "first stepper!"   

You are certainly one to hold your own.  You will not let us leave you alone without voicing your opinion, and loudly at that! When you are finished, you will cross your arms back and forth across your body, and when you want something - anything - you clap your hands, then extend out your arms in front of you, bending almost backwards at the elbows and clasping your hand as in the "milk" sign.  Lately, you have been shaking your head from side to side and have begun making silly faces - just to be silly.....squinting your eyes closed, then opening them again to see us, of course, staring at you and smiling!  You are quite a ham.

I look down at you in your crib, Grace Noelle, and I am amazed.  I see a baby that stretches, barely fitting your crib from side to side.....when just a year ago, you were so tiny and small when we first laid you there.  I see your growing, shiny locks of blonde hair - still short, but so much more than the downy fuzz that covered your head a year ago.  

But more than all of this, I see a future....I see you in a year, and then two, three, four, five and six from now, in the same way I have seen your brothers and sister grow before my very eyes.  All of the stages and joys that lie before us. I see the ending of the season of childbearing for me....and while that creates a sad feeling in my heart, a reminiscent one....it also creates a hope and anticipation for the joys of moving forward as a little family - growing and learning together, planting our roots like mighty oak trees, growing deep in the nourishing soil....learning as a family to love, give, and serve; creating traditions and beautiful memories that will last our whole lives long, and will become, for you, the foundation of your lives....becoming together a mighty lighthouse in a dark world.  

But Grace, you are so much more than simply the fourth child, the last to pass through the growing years in our home.  You are a miracle in your own right.  Beautiful, charming, and full of life.  You are cherished by your family and all who encounter you.  You have a winning way about you that makes you unforgettable.  

May you grow in Grace, sweet little one.  Grow in the beauty and Grace for which you were created.  You are amazing, cherished, and above all, are a precious child of God.  

Grow on, little Grace.  Grow on!