18 Months: Abundant Joy

Oh my, Gracie. What a month this has been! You have simply blossomed, turning further and further away from your recent days of babyhood and charging headlong into toddlerhood....smiling, grinning, and being silly the whole way.

 

At almost exactly 18 months to the day, you began repeating most words we would say to you.  Sometimes they sound like what we said, and sometimes they don't.  But, it's clear you are listening closely and repeating them back to us. 

Your little (or not so little) personality is continuing to develop too.  Gracie is NOT to be left behind!  You smile, flirt, hold your hands up be picked up and held.  There are simply so many ways you bring joy to each and every moment.  And you are so very loved by your brothers and sister.

Though you love your brothers and sissy, if you are not in the mood to be picked up, flung around, or talked to within inches of your face, you have begun to give them your frown, loudly say, "No!" and push them away.  This has also started with a little friend, about 5 months younger than you, if he infringes upon my attention when his own Mama isn't nearby.  You literally position yourself between him and me and push him down if he begins to stand up as if coming towards me.  I've also seen you take a bite out of sissy a couple of times when she hasn't heeded your push and loud warning.  Thankfully, this doesn't seem to be a habit......so far, at least!  

You LOVE to dance.  Love, love, love it!  It's as if you can't even control yourself when music starts to play, and the first thing you do is raise up your left elbow and cock your head to the side with a sparkle in your eye and an open mouthed smile on your face. 

When you are approaching your brothers and sisters as a group, you will sometimes put your arms both behind you and bend forward a bit. It's as if it is your natural response to wanting to be part of a group.  You'll also throw both arms back and bend over when you are being stubborn too

The little words and phrases we are hearing constantly are "Papa?", "No!" "No?" or a playful and musical "Nooooo." "Mama.  I need you." is still a big one, and "Bye!" is becoming super clear. "Cheeeeeese" is what you know to say for the camera.  "Than kyow" (Thank You) and "Cheese" (Please) and " Men" (Amen) is coming around more frequently after our prayer times. And given your propensity to eat, and eat a lot I might add, you really love the word "Moe!" (More) On a good day, it is "Moe Cheese"! We see you pointing on saying "Dat one" (That one)or "Dis" (This) a lot.  Many of your words are becoming recognizable, "Shoe?" "Boo?" (boot). You, like your brothers and sister, seem to use a question for every word, as if you're checking to see that you got it right.  You'll attempt all of your brothers and Sissy's name, "Eh met", "Aa Ooh" "Cay eh" but there still unclear enough that I'm not sure I have them quite right....especially late at night, hours after I've heard you say it last.  When you pick up a piece of garbage or old food to eat, or when we're changing your diaper, we always say "No, don't touch, Gracie.  Yuckies!"  You repeat back, "Yuckies?" then sometimes repeat "Yuckies" and nod your head knowingly. 

And speaking of yucky, your favorite past time seems to be playing in the toilet, or fishing things out of the trash!  You also like to help Mama clean things, and seem to like to combine all of these activities.  Just last week, while in a public restroom, I was helping Anna Ruth to wash her hands.  In the moment I was distracted, you had taken a paper towel, dipped it in a (thankfully flushed) toilet and were washing your face with it. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  The day before, you had reached into a public toilet (again, thankfully flushed) with your thumb, and instantly shoved it in your mouth! Again last week, I was upstairs cleaning a potty accident of your sister, while you were downstairs using a cup from the kitchen to scoop water out of the (yep, you guessed it)....toilet and were flinging it out and into the bathroom.  Some days I simply want to pay someone to pressure wash the inside of our house with bleach. Or, perhaps we'll wait out this beautiful (yet challenging) stage of parenting, and then move....leaving all of our possessions behind. :-)  Knowing how sentimental I am, however, I don't think either of those options will be as easy for me as I know jokingly proclaim.

One of my all time favorite things is still when you shake your head yes. You now shake it from side to side for no, so now an up and down shake most definitely means "Yes."  Sometimes, you'll accompany it with a "Yeah"...but oftentimes still, you respond immediately but silently to my questions with a simple head shake. 

Now that you are crawling up and down stairs with ease, you have this cute little habit of turning around and backing up towards the top of the stairs on your hands and knees.....dangling one leg over the top.  It's adorable!

One of the excitements of your month has been the addition of a beautiful red play kitchen to our living room / kitchen area.  A couple of years back, I was blessed to encounter a woman who was selling the very children's kitchen I had only dreamed about for a reasonable price.....the vintage Pottery Barn red set. In our small house, with my current shelves and décor, we didn't have room for the whole set, so it was out in my craft building, collecting dust and flies.  One day recently, it dawned on me that both of my girls were at a point where they would love to play in this kitchen and would enjoy it very much, but only for the next few years. Would I leave this kitchen in the outbuilding? Or, would I sacrifice my home décor, perhaps inviting some extra mess into the living area by bringing in the toy kitchen.  The latter idea won out, for my heart couldn't stand to not have you girls using your beautiful kitchen!  And, I'm so very glad I did. 

You are absolutely thrilled with the kitchen, and are over there making food and treats for everyone much of the time you are downstairs!  And, this is no great surprise considering how much you love to eat!  The other day, you ate 6 bowls (SIX) of black bean soup, and second and third helpings are commonplace with your favorite foods.  I'm starting to find a few things you don't like, such as cantaloupe and watermelon, but they are few and far between.  Your all time favorite treat seems to remain chocolate, and you recently had another "incident" of getting into a bag of chocolate chips.  (This is becoming a pattern....despite the precautions we have taken.) 

You have a new fascination with the strawberries that are coming from our garden, though you don't seem to mind if they are green or red.  But, oh, when Papa points out a red one....you are on it like a duck on a June bug.  Ah....Mama's good girl.  :-) 

On the last day of school for Caleb, we went to Luke's Legocy Carnival to honor the memory of Luke Jensen, a little boy who died of Leukemia, and to raise money for the Children's Cancer Association.  We had a great evening of fun as a family. One of the things your siblings and I did last year was to get our faces painted.   I had assumed that we wouldn't get yours done this year, thinking you wouldn't sit still and would immediately wipe off your face. However, at the last minute, I decided to go for it. 

It was definitely one of those turning points for me in my assumptions of where you are at in your little mind.  As soon as I put you on the stool, you sat perfectly still and allowed the lady to paint your face, almost leaning into her as if you were very much enjoying the experience of being trusted to be a big girl.  When she gave you a mirror to see yourself, and you looked and looked at it.  Not once all evening did you touch it or try to rub it off in the way that you often instantly remove barrettes from your hair.  (Though, even these you are beginning to leave in if I allow you to choose it, then show you how it looks in a mirror.)  You are growing up, Gracie!  So quickly!!! Before long, we won't even remember you as being a baby anymore.  You'll just be a little person.

This month you and I said goodbye to our beloved "Nursey-Nurse", or "Na na" as you sometimes called it. I've said that phrase now with four children.  Wow....that was hard.  I knew it was coming, as we were down to one feeding each day, but as I had hoped, I didn't know the last time was my last until the next day. I had fed you as usual for our morning feeding in my bed.  Afterwards, you sat up to play.  The next day, I was sick in bed and hoped that the children wouldn't bring you down to me to nurse.  When you did come in the room with Caleb, instead of lifting your arms up and starting to whimper for me to lift you up in bed, you happily held up a half graham cracker your brothers had given you and offered to share it with me.  Then, you happily toddled out of the room.....coming in from time to time to offer me another bite.  I pondered in my heart that day, the previous day might have been the last, and that perhaps it was time - especially since we had had a pleasant experience the day before and didn't know the end.  The next morning, I hopped out of bed before your brother brought you in......the following day we babysat for a friend and had left the house early in the morning, and then, it was over.  For a week or so, it was hard for me, as my body was still prepared to feed you and it was a little uncomfortable.  Then there were a couple of mornings when you asked to snuggle, then pointed and pulled at my nightshirt.  Those times were hard. I simply had to redirect her, saying "No, no, Gracie.  All finished." She understood that, but wasn't very happy about it.  Me neither. 

 It's been two weeks since Tuesday June 4th.....our last day of nursing, and we're doing ok.  I try not to let myself think about it, though sometimes if somebody asks, it makes me choke up a bit.  The emotions I have experienced as a mother have been surprising sometimes. Before having children, I didn't think would ever be so emotionally attached to things.  I had it all planned out based on good reason.  I would, of course, nurse my babies until they were exactly one year, but then I would be done.  I didn't realize how much that special snuggle time would come to mean to me......how deep that bond was between us......how symbolic the act of nursing is to the attachment between mother and child - the dependence, the trust, the tenderness. I could go on. 

For me, saying goodbye this time, was even more significant.  I had held on for a few months longer than I had in the past for the mere fact that this was to be the very last time I would ever nurse a child. This season of my life, that of being a mother of young children, is passing.....the baby stage is now past for us.  Intellectually, and even in my heart, I know that beautiful and new stages lie ahead for our family.  Yet, letting go is always hard....regardless of how much you know or trust the future. 

Your new little security is your blanket, which you call "Baby" and also your stuffed giraffe, also called "Baby".  If we only pick up one or the other, you will turn and point and say "Baby!!" until we get them both.  At this point, both items can be subbed out for replacements, though if it is up to you, you will choose those.   It will be interesting to see how this progresses over time.  Your thumb is still your ultimate comfort and pops in when you are getting really sleepy, when we rock in the rocking chair, and when we lay you down in bed.  It's looking pretty battle weary, but it's hanging in there! :-)

My Little G,  I could write about you for hours, and have already done so!  You are growing and changing before our very eyes, and we love you so.  You are truly our joy.  We love you, Gracie!

15 Months: Keeping Mama Busy!!!

By now, I'm noticing the trend that all of your updates might be a half a month late.  So....15 1/2 month update - here we go!

You are busy.  BUSY. There is not a place you go that you are not opening, unrolling, or carrying away something! ....Often times with a look of determination on your face, however, when you look at us, you break into a winning smile, then hold out your prize as if you were helping the whole time.  Cupboards, toilet paper rolls, the pantry, the garbage, and most frequently, the baking drawer!  You love to carry things around, and pull off lids.....and you are drawn to anything chocolate more than any other food.  Though, to your credit, you're as happy with unsweetened cocoa as chocolate chips! Just this morning, I was picking up laundry and toys in your brothers' room, and saw that just as fervently, you were emptying all of their t-shirts, underwear and socks out of their baskets and carrying them to the little Thomas the Train chair that still adorns their room.

Your words are pouring forth like a flood. Most of them are still babbles, but you will repeat the same phrase over and over with pointing and animation.  And we'll often hear you try to repeat something your sister or brothers have said.  Little phrases like "Whas dat?" are coming more and more frequently.  The other day, you started saying "Jesus", and I realized you wanted to sing Jesus Loves Me when we were rocking before nap time. 

"I knee!" or "I knee you!!" you'll say as you reach up your arms to be picked up.  This is something I hope I don't forget anytime soon. And presently, it's me you "knee" a lot.  Of all the four children, you have been the one that clings to me the most, though you certainly have a soft spot for your Papa.  You join the other children in waving to him as he drives by the sliding glass doors in the morning, and bang on the sliders happily yelling when he returns home in the evenings. 

One of the sweetest memories I have of this stage is how you animatedly shake your head yes, which involves your whole head and neck and a serious expression on your face.  But no one could mistake your meaning.  If you don't want something, you will turn your head to the side and say "Hm Mm!"

Your walking is steady, with a few wobbles here and there if you are bumped into or trip.  Every now and then, we'll see you crawl somewhere and it makes us smile. 

Your little thumb is red and swollen from sucking it, even though you only suck your thumb at naps, at night or when extremely tired.  We're just waiting for it to split open as it did for little Ru Bear, though hers wasn't until she was 2 years old.  With her's, we just had to put on  band-aid and tell her that she couldn't suck it anymore or she would keep getting an owie.  That was the last time she sucked it. I guess we'll have to wait and see how it works with you. 

You're still nursing when you wake and just before bed.  Yes, you have nursed longer than any of your siblings, but you and I are having a hard time letting go of this precious last.  The time will come soon enough, but for now, it's something we still share.

Another little tooth is poking through on the top just to the left of your front two teeth.  Boy, and have you been fussy lately....avoiding naps, waking during the night, wanting to be held.  Although, having been through this three times before, I know how quickly these stages pass, so I'm cherishing the cuddle time a little more than I perhaps have in the past. 

You remain a blondie with your hair getting longer and longer, though it is still relatively short overall.  A barrette is now a must to keep your bangs out of your eyes, though between you and your sister, it's pretty hard to keep it there! You are tall too, which becomes more evident as you walk around more steadily.  Rocking you now involves pulling your legs up and in, or turning you to the side or to face forward. 

I love how when we lay you in bed, you immediately plug your little left thumb into your mouth and grab for the corner of your blanket or stuffed animal with your other hand.  It remains somewhat tucked under your arm.  You haven't seemed to keep a strong preference for one blanket or animal, though the softer the better.  Your two giraffes are the ones we put in with you the most, and a soft pink and brown satin trimmed blanket.  Lately, you've had a newfound fascination with dollies as well, and I even saw you feeding one a bottle and putting one into the dolly stroller!

I think one of the best things about you is your determined little spirit.  You will not be left behind! Nowadays, you get very upset when brothers and sister head outside to play without you, and you will stand at the door and cry.

Oh how we love you, little Gracie! Grow on, Little One.  Grow in Grace.

11 Months: Into everything!!!

Ah, how the Autumn of your first year is upon us, Little One.  Too soon, you will be a year old!  As a Mama, I’m trying to overcome the melancholy of leaving this stage of parenting behind with the joys set before us.  Viewing each day not as a last but as a new beginning.  Yet….yet….with each little outfit and blanket I tuck away…..with each little shoe that no longer fits, I find a moment of pause in reflecting on what that little object has meant, on who has worn it, and it sends me back through Memory Lane.  

I have been struck, as of late, with how quickly the passage of time occurs.  It’s not in the days, but in the months and years that it passes.  Days seem to be about routine occurrences, then before you know it, a month has passed, and twelve into a year. I guess part of our job as parents is to find the joy in the daily routines, because that's the stuff life is made of.

As for you, Gracie Noelle, you are a gem!  What a sparkler you are!  So full of life and exuberance.  Not one to be left behind, you will voice your objection loudly when we leave the room, or call down to us when you are ready to be out of your bed.  We no longer can share snacks or Costco samples without giving them to you as well, or that voice of yours will be heard loud and clear!

Rare is the time when you look at us without your large, dimpled smile immediately following often accompanied by that ever so slight upward twitch of your brows.  You are so hard to resist!  I seem to have a special trigger with you, for if you are at all hungry or tired, seeing me makes your happy countenance turn to a look of angst and panic as you immediately crawl towards me or bounce in your little chair. I think you and I will both have a hard time when it is time to stop nursing.  (Which we have always referred to in our family as "Nursy Nurse"....and you seem to call "Na na".)

You are feeding yourself, grasping your food in between your thumb and forefinger.  If you have control of your bowl and spoon, each of those items goes into your mouth and sometimes some of the food too.  Watching you eat can be comical!

If we come next to you during your food time, you almost always offer us some of what you have, appearing so delighted with yourself.  Sometimes though you will take it back at the last minute and eat it yourself.  :-)  

I had guessed you'd be walking by 11 months.  Well, I was wrong, but you do pull up and stand every chance you get: the dishwasher, bread basket, bed, coffee table, couch.  And once up, you'll walk along things and even sometimes transfer from one to the other.  

 

In the meantime, I am simply relishing your crawling stage.  I love seeing your little ruffled bottom swing from side to side as your hands and knees slap-slap across the floor.  Now typically, you will be crawling to somewhere you are not supposed to be.  You have a particular affinity for getting into garbage cans and playing in the toilet.  :-/  And, as the wood stove is now a daily part of our home life, we are working to keep you away from the bricks.  Again and again, you will head over towards the wood stove.  Again and again we say "No".  Typically, you will immediately turn and look at us, then swing your arms side to side in your "all finished" sign, sometimes shaking your head no.  Then....you will do it again.  Yikes.  So, looking forward....perhaps respectful, but stubborn?  :-)

Everything within your grasp goes into your mouth, and you have eaten wood chips and little bits a plenty.  Pulling up on the bread basket yields a bunch of bananas, and you have also recently discovered the pantry and emptying cans of baking cocoa and bags of chocolate chips.  Ah yes, a little girl after her Mama's own heart! 

I don't think fear will be what holds you back in life.....you plow forward without fear of consequence.  (But, when you do have a fall or bump, the pathetic little face you make as you cry and look for Mama melts my heart.) Determined is the word that describes you best. 

I commented just tonight at dinner how you now feel so much a part of our family.  As we sit and eat, you interact with us - watching your brothers and sisters, flapping your arms, drinking from your sippy cup, and otherwise enjoying your dinner.  

Playing Pat-a-cake is probably your favorite game to play.  When we start it up, your face instantly lights up and you clap along.  Your siblings love to play with you then excitedly announce that you are clapping along, asking us to watch.  And, in the past few days, Peek-A-Boo has become not only a game you smile and laugh along with, but you have begun hiding behind things and popping out as well. 

When you are happy and feeling silly, you will shake your head from side to side with a big, huge grin on your face.  Then, you stop, and look - waiting for all of us to cheer and laugh.  Hmmm...might you be our family clown?  

You love to sing.  Oh what sweet memories we'll have of you singing along with the family or during night time lullaby's.  Your precious little voice joins in, even if words are not being sung.  Ya ya, Yie Yie, Ahhhh a Nah nah nah nah.   

Though the days of you snuggling on my chest for hours are long gone, when sleepy, and especially when rocking, you will lay your little head on my chest and rest.  Ah, even a moment of this is like food for my very soul. 

Of all the things that describe you right now, Gracie, probably the biggest and best description of you is "Loved".  You are loved, cherished and adored by your family and most of all by the very God who made you....just the way you are.  And what a beautiful creation that is!  

Tiny clothes and a mother's love

I've always had a hard time letting go.....of anything, really.  Considering I am now holding the baby girl we plan to be our last, each and every moment becomes all the more poignant. Each baby item used for the last time, each article of clothing I have seen both of my girls wear.  The little sage green bed that all four of my babies have slept in as newborns...with the little soft white bears that have enchanted them all. Sweet memories come to mind as I think of them.

As the months have passed, my pile of "now too small" baby girl clothes has continued to grow in the bin beneath our bed. A couple of times, I have thought to offer the clothes to someone, but I just couldn't bring myself to part with them. It's the fact that each thing brings memories flooding back to my heart. Sure, some of the extra special outfits, I'll set aside. Who knows, maybe I'll keep them forever.  But most of the other clothes....well...I know it's not practical to keep them all.  Some might not have even been my favorites.  I just haven't been able to let go.

This weekend, I came to a turning point. One of the amazing teenage girls in our church is headed to Guatamala  to spend her summer volunteering in an orphanage.  She asked if anyone has any new or gently used clothes for children under age five.  Hmmm.  Yep.  I might have a few.  I figured I could share a few things, so I brought out the bin of clothes and began to sort through them.  One at a time, I brought out the tiny pieces of clothing, and I began to experience a peace about letting go.....a freedom of sorts.  These precious and beloved clothes would go to clothe babies who have no mother.  The snuggles and loves given to these clothes due to their wearers could be transferred to another little child.  The blessings and the mother's prayers would now embrace another child who God loves no less than my own babies.

More rapidly now, I was pulling the tiny clothes out of the box and passing them to the pile for Guatemala.  Each item received a momentary pause as I would reflect upon the memories of my own precious babies wearing it.....some longer than others. Yet, the hesitation was gone.  I smiled as I laid each aside.

These little clothes would be a blessing to someone who has nothing.  They would become a cloak of love, snuggles, and prayer on the abandoned and unloved.  Yes, these tiny clothes will have new purpose.  And, since they are a part of my own family's past, I will see them in pictures, and I will pray.  I will pray for not only for their former occupants.....but for all the wearers of these little clothes. And maybe in this way, they too, will experience a Mother's love......through me and through the beautiful people such as McKenna who give their time and hearts to love on these little ones.

"Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." Mark 9:37