Life Lessons from a Blackberry Bush

The entry into this season of Fall has been an intricate dance between the warmth of late Summer and the chill of early Fall. The further into the season we have traveled, the more we've had the characteristic chilly mornings, but by noon time, the days are warm and sunny August like days.

Yesterday, while on a walk, Emet and Anna Ruth wanted to stop by the "Snake Tree" to search for snakes.  While they did so, I walked over to a blackberry bush and found, to my delight, a juicy ripe berry just waiting to be picked!  How odd, to be picking a blackberry in October, I thought.

My mind went back a few short weeks to the last time I was picking blackberries, out in our yard with Anna Ruth, Emet, and Grandma Marion.....

It was a glorious Summer day, and all of us were thoroughly enjoying the day.  The boys were, if not great contributors to the winter stores, were certainly filling their bellies full in between runs to their secret fortress down by the creek.

Gracie varied between being in the Ergo carrier on my back, and napping in her room.  Sissy mostly stuck by our side, also filling her belly and decorating her face. 

It struck me, at one point how blessed we were to be filling up buckets of berries for free from our own yard.  People actually pay for blackberries, and here we had a treasure trove at our disposal.

The longer we picked, the more I recognized the principal of "the Grass is Greener", for just out of reach were the largest, juiciest looking berries of the whole field.  Always just out of reach!

At one point, I heard a shriek of panic.  I looked down at my side to see Anna Ruth, having continued to move towards the blackberry patch just out of reach, was surrounded by snarly blackberry vines and was seemingly trapped in this new jail of her own making.  "Mama!!  Help me! I'm stuck!" she cried out, tears streaming down her little cheeks.

Within the moment of a glance, I perceived that she was not trapped at all.  Rather, though big, thorny branches surrounded her front and sides, the path behind her was free and clear. The only action she would have to take to escape would be to walk backwards.

In a moment of clarity, I saw such a picture of humanity.  How often we walk forward, focused on something out of our reach, something, perhaps, that is not even intended to be ours.  To the detriment of our own well being we plow forward until one day, we look around to find ourselves surrounded by the thorns of this circumstance of our own design and we feel trapped.  But yet, there is freedom.....freedom that we can't even see or perceive because of our focus on the tangled mess that surrounds us.  Sometimes its as simple as taking a few steps back....just stepping away from the situation to assess.

As I looked down at my little girl, I was inspired by her childlike trust and innocence.  She instinctively knew that I was on her side, and that I would help her.  Thankfully, in this case, it was just reminding her of a simple path backwards.  However, it reminded me that my own Heavenly Father is also on my side, and when the brambles seem as if they will overtake me, He will be there to help me step through the mess, if only I call out. 

House of Perspectives: Livin' the Dream

It seemed like a good idea at the time


Housing prices were skyrocketing, and we were moving.  I was not planning to work anymore so that I could stay at home with the kids.....something we had been planning on since we made the decision to have children.  We wanted to move from our first home in a neighborhood to the country.  Considering we were cutting our income by more than half, we didn't exactly want the mortgage to go up either.  Finally, we found it.....a little 1940s, 1100 sq ft farmhouse on almost two acres.  It was the first, close to town, stick built home on land we had seen in our price range.  And, believe it or not....we were first in line on it's first hour back on the market after the initial offer fell through.  

Granted, the place was no gem.  It had a shoddy remodel sometime in the 60s and patch work construction throughout.  Many of the twelve other rooftops on the property were in shambles....some decent enough to keep and repair....others we simply tore down.  Much of the house we had to take back to the bones, ripping up floors, supporting beams underneath where carpenter ants and time had destroyed the framework.  The electrical needed to be upgraded, heating system changed, the chimney lined, walls rearranged, and bathrooms plumbed and installed.

The fact was, despite absorbing a great majority of our sizable profit from the sale of our home, the house (let alone the surrounding outbuildings) could have easily absorbed twice what we had put into it already.  Jason was working long, exhausting days at work, and I was pregnant with our second child...while chasing around an 18 month old.  In fact, for the first few months, Caleb and I lived elsewhere thanks to the generosity of my distant cousin.  Not having a kitchen, bathroom, or floors somehow didn't seem acceptable for a pregnant Mama and a little one.

So, night by night, over the course of several months, Jason, and sometimes one of our visiting dads, would frantically chip away at the basics...cutting corners and taking the "good enough" approach....accomplishing the "must haves" and leaving the rest for later....losing much sleep in the process.  That was the way it had to be done in order for us to come close to having our family living back together and be settled into our home before baby Emet arrived.  Once we finally did move in, Emet arrived, cash reserves were low, and work on the house slowed to a drip.

Livin' the Dream

Fast forward to now, six years and two more children later....here we are.  Still in this house.  We've been able to finish a few projects: carpeting the crazy patched linoleum floors upstairs, installing a wood stove, putting up drywall over decades of peeling wall paper layers and gaping holes, finishing trimwork, adding a back splash in the kitchen, and most recently, finally being able to use our full size bath/shower downstairs.

Still, when it rains hard, the roof leaks in the laundry room, onto the crib in the girls room, and onto my feet in our bedroom.  Several rooms still have light bulbs operated by pull strings.  Our water is orange.  ORANGE!  So, despite having a new water softener system, it appears the best our laundry will ever look is dingy.  On a bad week....bright orange....which then matches our sinks, bathtubs and toilets.  For, try as I might, I cannot stay on top of the orange.  Cleaning anything in our house is like trying to take sips from a fire hose.  When you walk through the living room or kitchen, a loud thud pops under your feet, likely from the beams supporting (or not supporting) the house.  More carpenter ants? Perhaps. The windows are the silver metal framed kind.  You know, the ones with four panes whose primary form of insulation comes from the dirt, grime, and spiders trapped within the permanent panes.   Jason has the privilege of having to turn sideways to fit between his side of the bed and the wall.  And, I have a furry friend that lives within the wall behind my bed....apparently one that doesn't succumb to mouse traps.  It might even be the Mouse King from the Nutcracker.   And this is just the house.  I won't even begin with the outbuildings.  They're worse.

Like anyone, we too want to improve our property, and feel good about the place we call home....so add in mowing the lawn once a week (which isn't really enough), trying to pull key patches of weeds, and throwing down some bark from time to time.  We did paint one summer - a tremendous improvement on our collection of patchwork but mostly turquoise green buildings.....though considering issues with our old siding and fascia boards, both Jason and I often had to paint as we looked the other way to not be overwhelmed by the enormity of the project before us.

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning here.

In the Meantime


In addition to all of the home maintenance, repair, and remodel projects looming over our head, we have been parents of a growing family of little ones!  We are a family of six now, with four children age six and under.  Life is busy, messy, and sticky. We are frequently swimming in laundry and dishes....scrambling to keep up with the basics.....just like everyone else in this stage of life.

Between the wood stove, living in a drafty old country house, our dog, and our little boys, I believe there may actually be no hope of having a clean, tidy, dirt/dust free home.  Ever.
I will admit though, we do try.  We vacuum, sweep, mop, dust and do laundry.  It's just that the odds of you ever seeing it freshly done, or all at once, are slim to none.

I feel like I live in my car, and oftentimes, my car looks that way too, even if I clean it out every couple of days.  The goal is to clean it out each time we go in our out, but someone always has to go potty, or we only have a ten minute transition before we have to get back in the car again...and that needs to include getting drinks and snacks and ???

To top it off, and I say this with a chuckle, but it is with all seriousness, Jason and I feel very strongly that our God given calling is to people, relationships and hospitality.....continually opening our home to others, and putting other people first.  Yes, that means helping someone move on the one free day we have that week (or month).  It means going to a wedding to celebrate alongside a friend....and actually staying there, not just dropping in for appearances.  It means modifying our plans when a friend drops in, starting up the fire pit, kicking back, and making them feel welcome. It means showing up to a friends' house when it sounds like no one else is going to go.  It means keeping our word and not skipping out because it sounds better to stay at home.  It means giving money to someone in need that we had set aside for something else.  Most importantly, it means putting all of these things aside (cleaning, housework, plans) to make sure that when our kids ask...."Can we play tag today?"....the answer is often "Yes."  

Oftentimes, these choices are rewarding, and we feel good about the decision afterwards.  But, they are sometimes hard, when in the balance lies the fact that the home repairs don't move forward, and the house is never as tidy as I would hope for.

Livin' the Dream


Wait....same title right?  Yep.

I remember that time long ago and deep in new love that I told Jason I would be happy with him anywhere, even if we lived in a cardboard box.  I remember the day Jason broke his back and how the neurosurgeon said it was a miracle he wasn't paralyzed...that he was even alive.  I remember the day each of our children were born, healthy and strong.  In those moments, I didn't care about a single one of the things that can get under my skin.

We live in one of the most beautiful places I could imagine.  Beautiful by adult standards, but a child's dream. From our two acres, we can look out onto a hundred flat acres of open fields framed by tree covered hills, with snowy mountain foothills in the backdrop.

From the house, our land gently slopes down to a winding creek accessed by secret passageways through the brush.  A steep roofed playhouse, a family project, sits nestled in the tree line atop the small hill leading down to the creek.

The woodshed is full of wood, much of which we have received for free with a little hard work thrown in.  And the children have begun to learn the value of hard work, as it is their responsibility to bring wood up to the house in the winter time for the wood stove.

We have ATVs, a children's motorcycle, our bicycles, and a swingset....all old, to be sure, but still providing hours of joy.  And, our property on the other side of the creek has been slowly built into a racing track with jumps and fun from many buckets of materials brought home from Jason's work.  In the center is our bonfire pit, from which we host our annual Christmas Tree Roast.

The children love to run and race around the yard "hunting" bunnies with their bow and arrows and telling tales of cayotes.

The small barn has nooks and cranny's galore, with little doors leading to passageways...and the smell of hay remains, despite no longer having animals.

We have space for a garden, and through this have an ability to teach our children life lessons of preparation, new life, and care for living things. And oh the lessons of the weeds!

There are four more outbuildings, used as storage, a pantry, a wood shop, and for me - a little craft cottage, filled with crafting whimsy.

Our house has secret doors....leading to secret attic rooms, which we hope to make full use of here in the near future.  The tiny bedrooms with sloped ceilings provide for cozy spaces in which we rock our children at night as we tuck them into bed and hold the Ordway Family Prayer Council. The squeaky old floors and small spaces let us hear all of the thuds and giggles as the children laugh and play upstairs....or allow us to sneak half way up the stairs to hear their heartfelt prayers, made up songs, and brotherly discussions or dolly play.

And, I simply cannot fail to mention that my remodeled kitchen is amazing!!!  A cook's delight with double ovens, a warming drawer, a six burner gas stove, and gorgeous cabinetry.

I can't count the number of times people have said how much they love coming to our home.  These walls have shaken with laughter, and despite our tiny space, we've had over sixty people here at once (thankfully it was a nice day outside!). We've hosted countless birthday parties for family and friends; held dinners, bbqs and showers; hosted Bible study Sunday nights, and have had many overnight guests on our living room couch or camping in our yard.

Often, as I walk around the yard, I think, "I can't believe I'm so blessed.  I'm not sure where we'll move next, or when that will be....but it better be good, because I'm not going to give this place up for just anything!"

As Jason and the children were waiting for me to get in the car the other day, Caleb told Jason:  "Papa, we are so blessed. We live in a big house.  We have five outbuildings, and a big yard to play in.  We have quads to ride... and a motorcycle.  We are just so blessed."

"At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children."  
Matthew 11:25


Livin' the Dream....

Tiny clothes and a mother's love

I've always had a hard time letting go.....of anything, really.  Considering I am now holding the baby girl we plan to be our last, each and every moment becomes all the more poignant. Each baby item used for the last time, each article of clothing I have seen both of my girls wear.  The little sage green bed that all four of my babies have slept in as newborns...with the little soft white bears that have enchanted them all. Sweet memories come to mind as I think of them.

As the months have passed, my pile of "now too small" baby girl clothes has continued to grow in the bin beneath our bed. A couple of times, I have thought to offer the clothes to someone, but I just couldn't bring myself to part with them. It's the fact that each thing brings memories flooding back to my heart. Sure, some of the extra special outfits, I'll set aside. Who knows, maybe I'll keep them forever.  But most of the other clothes....well...I know it's not practical to keep them all.  Some might not have even been my favorites.  I just haven't been able to let go.

This weekend, I came to a turning point. One of the amazing teenage girls in our church is headed to Guatamala  to spend her summer volunteering in an orphanage.  She asked if anyone has any new or gently used clothes for children under age five.  Hmmm.  Yep.  I might have a few.  I figured I could share a few things, so I brought out the bin of clothes and began to sort through them.  One at a time, I brought out the tiny pieces of clothing, and I began to experience a peace about letting go.....a freedom of sorts.  These precious and beloved clothes would go to clothe babies who have no mother.  The snuggles and loves given to these clothes due to their wearers could be transferred to another little child.  The blessings and the mother's prayers would now embrace another child who God loves no less than my own babies.

More rapidly now, I was pulling the tiny clothes out of the box and passing them to the pile for Guatemala.  Each item received a momentary pause as I would reflect upon the memories of my own precious babies wearing it.....some longer than others. Yet, the hesitation was gone.  I smiled as I laid each aside.

These little clothes would be a blessing to someone who has nothing.  They would become a cloak of love, snuggles, and prayer on the abandoned and unloved.  Yes, these tiny clothes will have new purpose.  And, since they are a part of my own family's past, I will see them in pictures, and I will pray.  I will pray for not only for their former occupants.....but for all the wearers of these little clothes. And maybe in this way, they too, will experience a Mother's love......through me and through the beautiful people such as McKenna who give their time and hearts to love on these little ones.

"Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." Mark 9:37

Bella Notte

The back doors swung open and the families began to enter....perhaps one every few minutes until all nine had arrived, the parents dressed for a date night.  Their faces a mix of shy anticipation and uncertainty, they were guided down the long hall to the check in table.  Children were assigned to special buddies for the evening, and the kids were led away for a night filled with fun...in some cases experiencing separation from their parents for the very first time.  The parents were tense as the children walked away, but amazingly the kids all seemed excited to explore with their new found friend.

Down the hall, jazz music and soft laughter met the ears of the parents as they entered the atrium.  Beautiful picture windows looked out upon lush greenery.  Lanterns of soft white light hung from vaulted wooden beams soaring above the brick arches.  Linens shimmered in the glow of candle light, showcasing the grapevines and  flowers centering each tabletop.

Now separated by several rooms from their children, the couples began to relax and mingle, enjoying an array of appetizers and Italian sodas.  As people found their seats for dinner, a lovely string quartet began to play.  Chatting and laughter filled the air as the meal was served: Green salad, followed by bow tie pasta, drizzled with a devine alfredo sauce topped with smoked chicken. Those with special dietary needs were accommodated as well.  Creamy tiramisu and coffee capped off the delicious meal.  Throughout the evening, couples were brought outside to have their picture taken by a professional photographer, an unexpected treat that delighted them.

Amid this group of adults, there seemed to be none of the usual awkwardness among people who do not know each other.  In fact, each table seemed fully immersed in conversation....including moments of both serious discussion and laughter. There was a genuine connection no doubt existing from a deep understanding and respect of one another's circumstance in life.


Back in the gym and classrooms, colorful parachutes and balls were flung time and again into the air as children raced in and out with glee. Rice was sifted, thrown, and stuffed down sink drains. Shaving cream was spread; ribbons twirled; chases had.

You see, these were parents of Special Needs children.  Perhaps another way to describe them is through a picture of their reality:  Couples who do not have the chance to go on date night....People who are looked upon strangely....Families who are not invited anywhere.....ever.  An under-served group of people.


To meet these people outside of their family environment, you would never know the challenges they face on a daily basis: Social, emotional, mental, and physical challenges.  Day in. Day out. No end in sight. And this is, of course, in addition to the life challenges that the rest of us face. They are people just like you and I with a much larger load to bear.  And, they often bear this load alone in a world that does not understand or include them.

So there we were, a group of volunteers brought together by a common desire to reach out and meet a need.  Other than some planning conversations, donation solicitations, a few trips to the store by various individuals and some prep work.....all we had to give up was one day of our time.

As a first time event, we had little idea of how the night would flow. Some volunteers were buddies to children.  Some of us prepped food.  Some decorated.  Some served. Some cleaned. Mostly, everyone did a bit of everything as the day progressed from a pile of unprepared food and decorations to the elegant event it became.

In this atrium, once off limits to food and drink, people ate and drank merrily, perhaps in illustration of the  best possible use of the church building.

We were by no means experienced at any of this, but God showed up and filled in the gaps.  And that was more than a little humbling.

...Seeing two non-verbal autistic children coincidentally paired with a high school special education teacher by an intricate, yet unplanned, weaving of time and place.

...Hearing a mom who almost didn't come say she had been praying she could meet other parents of autistic children who could understand her life, and she randomly chose a table that ended up being only parents of autistic children who lived in her school district and participate in programs of which she was unaware.

...Hearing a couple say this was the first time they had ever been away from their child since birth.  10 years.

...Hearing, "Date night is not something we get to do."  Ever.

...Hearing, "You mean, we could come to church and someone would actually watch our children?" Yes.

You always hear about how good it feels to bless someone else. I was reminded of that last night in a big way.  It more than "feels good".  Sometimes serving someone else is astonishing.  Eye opening.  Humbling beyond words.  We soon realized that what was only a few hours of time and effort on our part provides a drink of water and a meal for a starving man.  Life giving.

Let us not forget these lessons. This is what being the hands and feet of Jesus is all about.  And we should plan to do this again.....and again.....and again.

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:3-5