Trying to capture just a tiny moment of my heart as a Mama....

I cannot begin to explain the hundreds of thousands of words living inside of my head.  "This for sure is something I'll need to blog," I'll say.  And, it will float around in my head, being added to every few days, until I assume the thought finds a remote file to place itself on, as it rarely happens that I actually sit down to write.  I've always wondered just how it is that people can keep up with their blogs.  I envy the memories they have captured.  I had many, many beautiful moments to capture too.....but I likely never will remember them. 

I have come to understand that I am a writer.  Growing up, I always assumed that statement meant that I needed to have a great list of credentials, or have written for my school newspaper and studied journalism and writing through college.  I did neither of these. 

What I now understand about myself is that my writing is how I best express my heart.....for myself, to myself, and hopefully to someday benefit or encourage my children.  Perhaps I'll even inspire someone else in their own life journey along the way.  However, writing is my form of "scrapbooking".  (Of course, I wish I did that too, and I may.......when I'm retired. :-)  )

The problem seems to be, that these children of mine are growing up so quickly.  They said it would go by fast.  Every older person I have met in the street, at the store, or at church has said time and time again how quickly it all goes by.  The strange thing is, I didn't think I would notice until it was over.......but I am noticing!  Watching my beautiful children grow and change as the weeks and months go by is nothing short of a miracle!  Yet.....yet.....somehow I want to run out and yell, "Wait!!!! Stop!!!!!!!  I'm not ready!!!!!!" 

I'll pull a book off of the shelf to read to Grace, and my mind will go racing back to reading it to Caleb.  I realize that I didn't really read it to Emet or Ru Bear.......or that I did, and that Gracie is the last one through.  Next stop....passing on to a friend, or storing away for Grandkids. Grandkids? Really? Can I be thinking such thoughts already?

It's in these moments that I'm infinitely thankful that we have made the decision to homeschool this next year, and until God leads us otherwise.  My throat closes up and I think that I don't want to miss a single moment.....of anything.  Even the tantrums. 

What about Caleb?  How quickly he is growing up, becoming a boy......a baby no longer. Second grade this Fall!  On his first day of Kindergarten, I remember him telling me that he liked it, but he would rather just be home with me.  He missed being home with me.  I wonder if he'd still say that now?  I think he might, because he's my tender boy that doesn't want to hurt Mama's feelings.  Well, at least he still likes to snuggle with me every day. 

What about Emet?  Charging ahead into life, he is! Brave and bold.....not to be left behind in any pursuit.  In my mind right now, I can look back to him and his brother sitting in their superhero underwear together on the couch tonight looking at his Starwars LEGO book, planning to somehow obtain all of the Starwars LEGOs in the world!  No more Thomas the Train.  At least he still likes Larry Boy and likes to cuddle Mama.

What about Anna Ruth?  She has been the one to bring these thoughts to me the most lately.  Her changes have been slow, but steady.  I think it's because she's the first girl.  I've noticed lately that somehow she slipped into little girlhood, and left behind toddlerhood.....perhaps without me really noticing.  Or, I did notice.  In those "I really need to blog this" moments that I have now forgotten and never captured.  She is quite a big helper to me, the nurse of the family, and one who will disappear quietly upstairs to play dollies or read by herself.  At least she still comes down in the middle of the night and crawls in our bed to snuggle. 

What about Gracie?  I don't think she is going to give me much of a chance to hold on.  I can watch her eyes and see her calculating how to fit right in with her brothers and sisters.  They love her, and she them.....and she is not to be left behind!  But she sure loves to cuddle with her Mama.

Cuddle bugs, one and all, they are.  And, I AM SO THANKFUL to God for this gift.  For, though my mind simply cannot grasp how quickly time is passing and things are changing; though my hours cannot seem to find time for the expression of my words and memories, my arms are full of my babies who love to cuddle me. 

Oh, God.....hear my heart!  There must be a greater plan you are crafting than that we Mamas are purposed here for scrambling to grasp and capture the moments whether in words, pictures, or mementos.  Surely you are etching deep within us the very purposes for which the beautiful yet painful job of mothering involves.  Surely our hearts and souls are being transformed from the experiences that our minds may not remember, even though they were those things we never planned to forget....yet never captured....and now they are gone, to us at least. 

I trust these things to you, Oh LORD, because I cannot fathom them.  Tears stain my cheeks as I am called time and time again to "Let go" of another precious last with my children.  Even the little things move me to tears.  I receive inexplicable joy and simultaneous pain in seeing these moments pass before my very eyes, knowing that even the most precious ones, I will likely not "capture". And, even if I captured every moment.....would I miss them all in the attempt? Would I ever simply "be" in the moment and not trying to get behind it, whether in word or on camera.  I struggle with that as it is.

For those who have read my blog.....if only you knew!  If only you knew how many more precious moments and memories have occurred within the walls of this little, loved home.  If only you knew how God has so greatly transformed my mind and heart as a mother.....how much I have been humbled, and yet how much I have been raised up.

I think I fear sometimes, that, when it is all said and done.....when the last little one has left home, that I will want desperately to remember, and I won't be able to. And so, I simply must trust that you, God, have a greater purpose than I can understand, and that you won't leave me wanting when I am in need.  You haven't so far, and so I can trust that You won't then either.

Oh, God......to You, I leave this writing....to your Purpose and to your Glory.  I barely know how to process it all. My words will simply never be enough.

18 Months: Abundant Joy

Oh my, Gracie. What a month this has been! You have simply blossomed, turning further and further away from your recent days of babyhood and charging headlong into toddlerhood....smiling, grinning, and being silly the whole way.

 

At almost exactly 18 months to the day, you began repeating most words we would say to you.  Sometimes they sound like what we said, and sometimes they don't.  But, it's clear you are listening closely and repeating them back to us. 

Your little (or not so little) personality is continuing to develop too.  Gracie is NOT to be left behind!  You smile, flirt, hold your hands up be picked up and held.  There are simply so many ways you bring joy to each and every moment.  And you are so very loved by your brothers and sister.

Though you love your brothers and sissy, if you are not in the mood to be picked up, flung around, or talked to within inches of your face, you have begun to give them your frown, loudly say, "No!" and push them away.  This has also started with a little friend, about 5 months younger than you, if he infringes upon my attention when his own Mama isn't nearby.  You literally position yourself between him and me and push him down if he begins to stand up as if coming towards me.  I've also seen you take a bite out of sissy a couple of times when she hasn't heeded your push and loud warning.  Thankfully, this doesn't seem to be a habit......so far, at least!  

You LOVE to dance.  Love, love, love it!  It's as if you can't even control yourself when music starts to play, and the first thing you do is raise up your left elbow and cock your head to the side with a sparkle in your eye and an open mouthed smile on your face. 

When you are approaching your brothers and sisters as a group, you will sometimes put your arms both behind you and bend forward a bit. It's as if it is your natural response to wanting to be part of a group.  You'll also throw both arms back and bend over when you are being stubborn too

The little words and phrases we are hearing constantly are "Papa?", "No!" "No?" or a playful and musical "Nooooo." "Mama.  I need you." is still a big one, and "Bye!" is becoming super clear. "Cheeeeeese" is what you know to say for the camera.  "Than kyow" (Thank You) and "Cheese" (Please) and " Men" (Amen) is coming around more frequently after our prayer times. And given your propensity to eat, and eat a lot I might add, you really love the word "Moe!" (More) On a good day, it is "Moe Cheese"! We see you pointing on saying "Dat one" (That one)or "Dis" (This) a lot.  Many of your words are becoming recognizable, "Shoe?" "Boo?" (boot). You, like your brothers and sister, seem to use a question for every word, as if you're checking to see that you got it right.  You'll attempt all of your brothers and Sissy's name, "Eh met", "Aa Ooh" "Cay eh" but there still unclear enough that I'm not sure I have them quite right....especially late at night, hours after I've heard you say it last.  When you pick up a piece of garbage or old food to eat, or when we're changing your diaper, we always say "No, don't touch, Gracie.  Yuckies!"  You repeat back, "Yuckies?" then sometimes repeat "Yuckies" and nod your head knowingly. 

And speaking of yucky, your favorite past time seems to be playing in the toilet, or fishing things out of the trash!  You also like to help Mama clean things, and seem to like to combine all of these activities.  Just last week, while in a public restroom, I was helping Anna Ruth to wash her hands.  In the moment I was distracted, you had taken a paper towel, dipped it in a (thankfully flushed) toilet and were washing your face with it. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  The day before, you had reached into a public toilet (again, thankfully flushed) with your thumb, and instantly shoved it in your mouth! Again last week, I was upstairs cleaning a potty accident of your sister, while you were downstairs using a cup from the kitchen to scoop water out of the (yep, you guessed it)....toilet and were flinging it out and into the bathroom.  Some days I simply want to pay someone to pressure wash the inside of our house with bleach. Or, perhaps we'll wait out this beautiful (yet challenging) stage of parenting, and then move....leaving all of our possessions behind. :-)  Knowing how sentimental I am, however, I don't think either of those options will be as easy for me as I know jokingly proclaim.

One of my all time favorite things is still when you shake your head yes. You now shake it from side to side for no, so now an up and down shake most definitely means "Yes."  Sometimes, you'll accompany it with a "Yeah"...but oftentimes still, you respond immediately but silently to my questions with a simple head shake. 

Now that you are crawling up and down stairs with ease, you have this cute little habit of turning around and backing up towards the top of the stairs on your hands and knees.....dangling one leg over the top.  It's adorable!

One of the excitements of your month has been the addition of a beautiful red play kitchen to our living room / kitchen area.  A couple of years back, I was blessed to encounter a woman who was selling the very children's kitchen I had only dreamed about for a reasonable price.....the vintage Pottery Barn red set. In our small house, with my current shelves and décor, we didn't have room for the whole set, so it was out in my craft building, collecting dust and flies.  One day recently, it dawned on me that both of my girls were at a point where they would love to play in this kitchen and would enjoy it very much, but only for the next few years. Would I leave this kitchen in the outbuilding? Or, would I sacrifice my home décor, perhaps inviting some extra mess into the living area by bringing in the toy kitchen.  The latter idea won out, for my heart couldn't stand to not have you girls using your beautiful kitchen!  And, I'm so very glad I did. 

You are absolutely thrilled with the kitchen, and are over there making food and treats for everyone much of the time you are downstairs!  And, this is no great surprise considering how much you love to eat!  The other day, you ate 6 bowls (SIX) of black bean soup, and second and third helpings are commonplace with your favorite foods.  I'm starting to find a few things you don't like, such as cantaloupe and watermelon, but they are few and far between.  Your all time favorite treat seems to remain chocolate, and you recently had another "incident" of getting into a bag of chocolate chips.  (This is becoming a pattern....despite the precautions we have taken.) 

You have a new fascination with the strawberries that are coming from our garden, though you don't seem to mind if they are green or red.  But, oh, when Papa points out a red one....you are on it like a duck on a June bug.  Ah....Mama's good girl.  :-) 

On the last day of school for Caleb, we went to Luke's Legocy Carnival to honor the memory of Luke Jensen, a little boy who died of Leukemia, and to raise money for the Children's Cancer Association.  We had a great evening of fun as a family. One of the things your siblings and I did last year was to get our faces painted.   I had assumed that we wouldn't get yours done this year, thinking you wouldn't sit still and would immediately wipe off your face. However, at the last minute, I decided to go for it. 

It was definitely one of those turning points for me in my assumptions of where you are at in your little mind.  As soon as I put you on the stool, you sat perfectly still and allowed the lady to paint your face, almost leaning into her as if you were very much enjoying the experience of being trusted to be a big girl.  When she gave you a mirror to see yourself, and you looked and looked at it.  Not once all evening did you touch it or try to rub it off in the way that you often instantly remove barrettes from your hair.  (Though, even these you are beginning to leave in if I allow you to choose it, then show you how it looks in a mirror.)  You are growing up, Gracie!  So quickly!!! Before long, we won't even remember you as being a baby anymore.  You'll just be a little person.

This month you and I said goodbye to our beloved "Nursey-Nurse", or "Na na" as you sometimes called it. I've said that phrase now with four children.  Wow....that was hard.  I knew it was coming, as we were down to one feeding each day, but as I had hoped, I didn't know the last time was my last until the next day. I had fed you as usual for our morning feeding in my bed.  Afterwards, you sat up to play.  The next day, I was sick in bed and hoped that the children wouldn't bring you down to me to nurse.  When you did come in the room with Caleb, instead of lifting your arms up and starting to whimper for me to lift you up in bed, you happily held up a half graham cracker your brothers had given you and offered to share it with me.  Then, you happily toddled out of the room.....coming in from time to time to offer me another bite.  I pondered in my heart that day, the previous day might have been the last, and that perhaps it was time - especially since we had had a pleasant experience the day before and didn't know the end.  The next morning, I hopped out of bed before your brother brought you in......the following day we babysat for a friend and had left the house early in the morning, and then, it was over.  For a week or so, it was hard for me, as my body was still prepared to feed you and it was a little uncomfortable.  Then there were a couple of mornings when you asked to snuggle, then pointed and pulled at my nightshirt.  Those times were hard. I simply had to redirect her, saying "No, no, Gracie.  All finished." She understood that, but wasn't very happy about it.  Me neither. 

 It's been two weeks since Tuesday June 4th.....our last day of nursing, and we're doing ok.  I try not to let myself think about it, though sometimes if somebody asks, it makes me choke up a bit.  The emotions I have experienced as a mother have been surprising sometimes. Before having children, I didn't think would ever be so emotionally attached to things.  I had it all planned out based on good reason.  I would, of course, nurse my babies until they were exactly one year, but then I would be done.  I didn't realize how much that special snuggle time would come to mean to me......how deep that bond was between us......how symbolic the act of nursing is to the attachment between mother and child - the dependence, the trust, the tenderness. I could go on. 

For me, saying goodbye this time, was even more significant.  I had held on for a few months longer than I had in the past for the mere fact that this was to be the very last time I would ever nurse a child. This season of my life, that of being a mother of young children, is passing.....the baby stage is now past for us.  Intellectually, and even in my heart, I know that beautiful and new stages lie ahead for our family.  Yet, letting go is always hard....regardless of how much you know or trust the future. 

Your new little security is your blanket, which you call "Baby" and also your stuffed giraffe, also called "Baby".  If we only pick up one or the other, you will turn and point and say "Baby!!" until we get them both.  At this point, both items can be subbed out for replacements, though if it is up to you, you will choose those.   It will be interesting to see how this progresses over time.  Your thumb is still your ultimate comfort and pops in when you are getting really sleepy, when we rock in the rocking chair, and when we lay you down in bed.  It's looking pretty battle weary, but it's hanging in there! :-)

My Little G,  I could write about you for hours, and have already done so!  You are growing and changing before our very eyes, and we love you so.  You are truly our joy.  We love you, Gracie!

17 Months: No!!!

Well, we've arrived....."No!" is your new favorite word, and you use it frequently. "No!" can be said with a playful smile, a determined spirit and strong voice, or an angry voice accompanied by a little swat at whatever is near you to hit. "No!" can also mean, "Yes."  In any case, it seems to be your favorite word.  Just today, you responded with "I Mama" and a little nod yes when I counseled you that "Yes, Mama" was the proper response.  Oh how my heart melted just a bit.  I have heard those words emerge with each of our children, but each time, they are a special treat.  Firsts are always special.  You'll still nod your head up and down with your mouth opening and closing as well to indicate yes.  And....I love that. I wonder if it will be something you continue into your childhood.  I hope so. 

Oh, and if ever there was a girl who loved shoes.....you are the one! You probably spend a great majority of your free time trying on shoes.  Sometimes one....other times two....someone else's.....your own.  It simply doesn't matter.  But you do LOVE shoes!  I'll even catch you glancing down at your shoes from time to time, as if to admire them.  How you make us smile, Gracie! :-)






The other words we hear frequently are near and dear to my Mama's heart....."Mama, I need you. 

Need you."....typically drawn out when crying as "Mama....I neeeeeeeed you.  Neeeeeeeed you."  Last month, it was "Knee you, Mama. "  Whatever the words, I love that it's me that you need.  Your Papa has always been the natural nurturer of the two of us, so often the other kids would be comforted by Papa, with little complaint. But not you.  It's me you want.....me you reach for, even when in Papa's arms. You'll often walk up to me with your arms held high, wanting to be held.  And when I lift you into my arms, you rest your little head on my shoulder, sometimes sucking on your thumb, sometimes shoving your arms down in front of you as if to nestle in as close as you can get.....sometimes just holding onto me.  It is one of the greatest gifts I can imagine.  I am so glad to be wanted by you.  I'm happy you need me.  I am so much more patient with this than I would have been in the past and am thankful for this change in my own heart.....the realization of how quickly time passes and these brief seasons end.

You love to snuggle and cuddle, dollies and stuffed friends, and recently blankets. Burrowing into them and cuddling in your sweet head.  I love to see it. 

"My" is another of your favorites now.....and means "Mine" or "Me."  And, slowly, the words are becoming more clear and distinct. You have started to point at things and say their name with a little question as if to receive confirmation from me if you're a little unsure...."Shir?" (Shirt) "Shoe?". If you are sure, however, there is no question.  It is either said with excitement or assuredness. For instance, when you point to Greta, you say "Dog" and nod your head down.  Today, on exiting our car at a friend's house, their chickens came into view and you excitedly exclaimed "Ducky!!"  To your credit, there were two ducks there as well, though I'm pretty sure you were pointing at the chickens. :-) 

You do say, "Thak You", changed from "Dah Koo", but it's mostly doled out when you want to.  Please is still "Cheese".....and you definitely say "Cheese" before any photo opportunities....any time I say "Look at Mama" in a sing-song voice.

You can now climb up......and down....the stairs. The down part has been happening for the past week or so.  In fact, the first time might have indeed been the time that you decided to climb out of your crib, also as a first, after I had laid you down for a nap. Then, down the stairs you came and into the living room where I was sitting with a friend.  You stood there for a while as we watched you, and I know you were speculating what we might do.  Finally, as I stood up, you started walking towards the back door and pointing to it, indicating you wanted to go outside with the rest of the kiddos.  No luck for you! Back to bed.   I had heard a strange little cry a few minutes before you came down, so I assume you might have been a little frightened in getting out of the crib. You haven't tried it again. :-)  However, the stairs are another matter.  You seem so pleased with yourself each time you descent the stairs.  And, you do it just like your big brother Emet did.....starting about 2 feet from the first stair, you turn around and crawl backwards, reaching your leg out until you reach that first step.  It is adorable! 

Coloring is a new thing for you.  The picture at the top was taken only a few days ago, and it was the first time I had seen you laying down, crayon in hand, and coloring.  Well, a couple of days before, you were at the table "coloring", but it turned out to be mostly on your face.  Thank goodness for washable markers! :-) 

And you are about as silly as they come.  A real ham.  With your frequent "No's" and your silly sunshiny smiles, we have dubbed you The Sassy Sunflower. You have an unmistakable gleam in your eye that shows you are fully aware you are delighting us with your happy smiles and sunshine.  You love to cock your head to the side and smile, looking up at us, then tuck in your chin and chuckle.

As a wonderful illustration of your valiant spirit, you have never been intimidated by Greta, even after she moved from the annoyed yet patient family dog of infants to the snarling family dog of "children who should know better than to bug her". When she growls at you, you simply growl right back, no matter how many growling snarls she brings on.  And, we love that about you.  I finally got that on video today, even though it was Papa you were growling at - not Greta!

Music is your absolute delight. I'm not sure you could hold still if you tried.  The very minute music comes on, your left elbow lifts up, as if it's going to send you into your musical twirls.  You are not shy at all about your dancing! You may well be headed for Broadway.

You are not to be left out by your brothers and sister, and
want to be with them at all times.  You do not appreciate when they head out of doors without you.  And, every minute they are inside the house, you are with them playing and interacting.  And, how you love them!  You'll come up behind them when they are sitting on the ground and give them a hug, laying your head on their back or shoulders. Just yesterday morning, after you finished nursing, you looked over me to see Anna Ruth laying on the other side of me in our bed, still asleep.  You crawled over me and laid on her, giving her a hug.  She sleepily wrapped her arm around you and patted your back.  It's times like those that make my heart simply melt.

I know that before too long, you'll be talking, being sassy, and being 2....(and in our house age 3 seems to be a similar experience!).....full of joy and annoying little habits that drive your siblings crazy.  However, at this age and stage, everyone is still fully in love with you.  (Though Anna Ruth has started down the path of tattling and getting angry with you.)  Still, however, she loves you dearly.  And, though I believe the two of you will have many hurdles ahead in learning to share and get along, I think she'll always have a special place in her heart for her "Gwacie."

For some reason, you love to get into cough drops and seem to find an endless supply of them.  You must have found a secret stash of them somewhere, but they are multiplying like loaves and fishes! I am thankful that you seem to most often bring them to me, as if to check in to see if you can have one, even though I'm pretty sure you know you're not supposed to.  I wanted to write this down, because I wondered today if I would remember that about you.  Often, the little things that children always do are forgotten as they fade away.  And, this is a fun little memory.

You are growing and changing, right before our very eyes, Grace. As we have planned for you to be our last child, we are watching each minute with a sharp focus.....seeing change, and saying goodbye to another precious last time and time again.  At times, it seems more than my heart can bear.  Yet, somehow I know that there is a greater hope.  I know that time is not going, it is coming.....and that which is before me is going to be better than that which is behind, even despite hard and painful times that are part of any human existence.  However, that is hard to grasp when all I know for sure is that which I can hold within my hands......and that which is ahead is yet unknown. I wonder how many Mama's ponder life like I do?  How many of us are sharing the same thoughts? 

As a follower of Christ, this defines much of my existence, and I have seen it prove true in my own life over and over again.  Yet.....yet......it is still a concept that is hard to grasp for the human mind and heart, and so I struggle on. 

But, oh Gracie - in your sweet, pure innocence, you don't struggle with these concepts yet at all.  You simply charge forward, growing and changing as quickly as you can, living life to each moment's fullest.  Nothing holds you back but Mama's hands for nap time.  :-) 

Charge ahead, sweet Gracie, charge ahead.  Let nothing hold you back as you come into the fullness of who God has made you to be.  We love you!

15 Months: Keeping Mama Busy!!!

By now, I'm noticing the trend that all of your updates might be a half a month late.  So....15 1/2 month update - here we go!

You are busy.  BUSY. There is not a place you go that you are not opening, unrolling, or carrying away something! ....Often times with a look of determination on your face, however, when you look at us, you break into a winning smile, then hold out your prize as if you were helping the whole time.  Cupboards, toilet paper rolls, the pantry, the garbage, and most frequently, the baking drawer!  You love to carry things around, and pull off lids.....and you are drawn to anything chocolate more than any other food.  Though, to your credit, you're as happy with unsweetened cocoa as chocolate chips! Just this morning, I was picking up laundry and toys in your brothers' room, and saw that just as fervently, you were emptying all of their t-shirts, underwear and socks out of their baskets and carrying them to the little Thomas the Train chair that still adorns their room.

Your words are pouring forth like a flood. Most of them are still babbles, but you will repeat the same phrase over and over with pointing and animation.  And we'll often hear you try to repeat something your sister or brothers have said.  Little phrases like "Whas dat?" are coming more and more frequently.  The other day, you started saying "Jesus", and I realized you wanted to sing Jesus Loves Me when we were rocking before nap time. 

"I knee!" or "I knee you!!" you'll say as you reach up your arms to be picked up.  This is something I hope I don't forget anytime soon. And presently, it's me you "knee" a lot.  Of all the four children, you have been the one that clings to me the most, though you certainly have a soft spot for your Papa.  You join the other children in waving to him as he drives by the sliding glass doors in the morning, and bang on the sliders happily yelling when he returns home in the evenings. 

One of the sweetest memories I have of this stage is how you animatedly shake your head yes, which involves your whole head and neck and a serious expression on your face.  But no one could mistake your meaning.  If you don't want something, you will turn your head to the side and say "Hm Mm!"

Your walking is steady, with a few wobbles here and there if you are bumped into or trip.  Every now and then, we'll see you crawl somewhere and it makes us smile. 

Your little thumb is red and swollen from sucking it, even though you only suck your thumb at naps, at night or when extremely tired.  We're just waiting for it to split open as it did for little Ru Bear, though hers wasn't until she was 2 years old.  With her's, we just had to put on  band-aid and tell her that she couldn't suck it anymore or she would keep getting an owie.  That was the last time she sucked it. I guess we'll have to wait and see how it works with you. 

You're still nursing when you wake and just before bed.  Yes, you have nursed longer than any of your siblings, but you and I are having a hard time letting go of this precious last.  The time will come soon enough, but for now, it's something we still share.

Another little tooth is poking through on the top just to the left of your front two teeth.  Boy, and have you been fussy lately....avoiding naps, waking during the night, wanting to be held.  Although, having been through this three times before, I know how quickly these stages pass, so I'm cherishing the cuddle time a little more than I perhaps have in the past. 

You remain a blondie with your hair getting longer and longer, though it is still relatively short overall.  A barrette is now a must to keep your bangs out of your eyes, though between you and your sister, it's pretty hard to keep it there! You are tall too, which becomes more evident as you walk around more steadily.  Rocking you now involves pulling your legs up and in, or turning you to the side or to face forward. 

I love how when we lay you in bed, you immediately plug your little left thumb into your mouth and grab for the corner of your blanket or stuffed animal with your other hand.  It remains somewhat tucked under your arm.  You haven't seemed to keep a strong preference for one blanket or animal, though the softer the better.  Your two giraffes are the ones we put in with you the most, and a soft pink and brown satin trimmed blanket.  Lately, you've had a newfound fascination with dollies as well, and I even saw you feeding one a bottle and putting one into the dolly stroller!

I think one of the best things about you is your determined little spirit.  You will not be left behind! Nowadays, you get very upset when brothers and sister head outside to play without you, and you will stand at the door and cry.

Oh how we love you, little Gracie! Grow on, Little One.  Grow in Grace.

13 Months: Ready, Set.....Go!

Ah Grace. I didn't know if I would continue this monthly journal past a year, as I had committed to that.  However, seeing you grow and change so quickly, it's hard for me not to try to capture it all.

You are amazing. Simply amazing.

Such a little ham you are....shaking your head from side to side with your eyes squinted shut and your head thrown back....then, you peek to check - making sure we are delighting in you. We are.

Your dimples pop out in your open mouthed grin. When you are happy and determined, you stick your tongue out. When you are thrilled beyond imagination, your whole mouth opens in an exuberant smile and your whole tongue sticks out....it is fantastic.  I'm not sure anyone wouldn't be able to smile at the picture.

Your little words are coming! Slowly....starting with the head nods, stiffly with your whole neck for yes, side to side for no.  You say "Wah, or yah" for yes. And just two nights ago, as I rocked you in the old rocker upstairs before bed, you pointed to the stars on your ceiling - cast there from your ladybug constellation night light, and said "tar"....over and over you pointed and said "tar".  And, every now and then, you will say a garbled phrase that sure sounds like a sentence that would make sense for the context.  Or, a word will come out clear as a bell. Yes, you are definitely beginning that process of communicating with us in words and gestures, slipping further and further from being a baby and more towards your toddler years.

Baby, toddler, preschooler, kindergartener, elementary, junior high, high school, college.  It goes that fast.  Eighteen years we have? I think not.  We have one year, eighteen times, Lord willing, - which is broken up into bits and pieces by new developments each month, especially when you are this little.  Time literally melts away.

In the days I wrote this blog, though I have tarried long to finish and post it, you went from a few tentative steps into the room - perhaps 3 or 4, mostly going straight from point A to point B....to walking most of the time!

I wrote:

1/2/13: "You took several steps today....as if you almost preferred the idea of walking to crawling.  Before today, you have gone several days without taking steps....then 4-5, skip a day, 4-5 more...but today - you have done 5 steps or so several times!"

1/6/13: "Today's the day!!! From this evening on, you will likely be walking more than crawling. Something clicked tonight, and over and over again you walked across the kitchen to to and fro.  Tomorrow may be our last 1/2 and 1/2 crawling day...(sniff, sniff)....and onto the great adventure of life!"

And, here it is 1/18/13, Grandpa B's 76th birthday.  You've been waddling around the house for almost two weeks now.  Yes, you do drop down to crawl now and then, or we'll see you bear crawling on your feet and hands, perhaps with two cars in your hands (just like big brother Emet used to do!).  But mostly, you're my little walker now. Still a little unstable, easily tipped, and best when holding onto your destination, but a walker you are.

You have been sick these past two days, crying almost constantly and wanting to be held at all times.  It makes me sad, for as I write this, I realize how unlike yourself you are when you feel so poorly.  :-(

We love you Grace Noelle!