Monday, May 12, 2008

Capturing Life as the Train Speeds By

This is supposed to be a hand-written journal. However, as the days and weeks pass without any entries into Caleb's childhood journal, I have sought another medium. Daily, I hear myself "reading" my own entries in my mind......Panic seizes me as I realize I am missing my chance to capture this precious time due to my stubbornness of having to have a particular format in which to do so – the here I begin, relinquishing that struggle in hopes that a blog will help me in my journey to hold on to as many memories as I can.

"Today, you said blanket for the first time instead of 'dop dop'", or
"Today, you said 'I love you, Mama'" and it made my heart melt.”

The trouble with trying to capture life is that you can’t. I guess if one had no other priorities, stresses, obligations, could devote a large amount of time each day to capturing what one could via the written word and/or video. However, this stage of life – that of a 2-3 year old – is like riding on a speed train. Before you have a chance to look out the window, you have passed the landmark and are moving on to something else. Generalizations might encompass going from “you are learning new words” “you are speaking in full sentences”. Having missed the middle means having missed so many nuances and lasts....the last time you said “sha shas” for raisins.....the last time ‘thank you’ sounded like ‘tae you’. .....The journal entries would have to read “today is the day – the last time.....we are leaving this precious stage’.

Childhood is a miracle – a time when time stands still for the child, yet flies more rapidly than water for the parents. To me, becoming a parent meant fully realizing that oft repeated statement you hear over and over from every ‘older’ person......”they’ll be grown before you know it.....cherish this time”. Day after day appears the same for the adult, with general changes coming only often enough to chronicle in an annual Christmas letter. Yet, the life of a child is like watching a metamorphosis unfolding before your very eyes. It drives you to your knees in search of life’s purpose.

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