Tuesday, May 10, 2011

my heart is like a camera

It's hard to capture the depth of one's emotion or to really and truly know just how someone feels.  Children tend to be more transparent than adults, for they haven't yet learned to mask or restrain what pours forth from their deepest joys and sorrows. Yet they too can surprise you and keep you guessing.  

Tonight was my night to snuggle with Caleb.  So, up in the top bunk right under the ceiling we cuddled talking about various things from our day, about our blessings and about how much Caleb loves everyone in our family. He was quiet for a while, then with a shaky voice and a stream of tears, he turned to me and buried his face into my hair and sobbed.  He was able to feebly tell me how he doesn't want me to become a Grandma or Papa to become a Grandpa because he loves us so much and doesn't want us to die and go to heaven, because then he won't see us at all.  Of course, by now, I was crying too and holding my baby boy as close as I could.  I tried to comfort both of us by reminding him of the fact that once we were all in heaven, there would be no more death or tears, and that we would never be separated again.....ever, so our most important goal was to make sure we got to heaven by having Jesus in our hearts.  

As we both quieted down, I looked over to see Caleb staring off into the distance.  He finally said, "In Narnia, the White Witch told Edmond she would always be alive in his mind.  What does that mean?  How could she always be alive?"  I told him that she was an evil character and was trying to scare Edmond.  I then explained, however, that our memories allow us to remember special times and people long after they have passed away.  I told him with tears about my own Grandparents who now lived in heaven and how I can still picture them in my mind and remember special times we shared together.  In that way, they were still alive in my mind.  

A long silence followed.  Caleb finally said, "You know, it's sort of strange, but I can see things in my heart.  It's as if my heart is like a camera."

Ah, Caleb.  Mine is too.  Mine is too.  And if I can remember only a few of the special times we share into my old age, I think tonight will be one of them....burned forever in the camera of my heart.  I love you too, baby boy.....and I always will. 

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

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