Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Today was an ordinary weekday for this Mama and her babies, except that it was a little bitter-sweet.  Today was the last day before Caleb starts Kindergarten. My first baby bird beginning to spread his wings, about to flutter out of the nest for a few hours each day.

There's nothing too abnormal in this, right?  We do it every Sunday as he goes off to his Sunday school classes.  But for me it signifies something much greater.  Today was the very last day I will have all of my children at home with me, under my constant care, without a schedule of their own.  Tomorrow begins the next 13-17+ years of Caleb's life in school.

Two little boys that have played side by side, day by day, since either of them can remember will henceforth be separated more and more over time, starting.....Tomorrow.  The years of the mighty yellow dump trucks will soon be a distant memory.  Tonight seemed especially joyful and boisterous as my two little naked boys raced around the house before their showers playing "spanking tag".  Happy giggles abounded.  Then Caleb stepped into the shower all by himself for the second time.  He's growing up.

There have been plenty of tears from my tender hearted Caleb in the past few days, likely related to school.  He says he doesn't want to be away from home, away from his Mama.  He asked me today if he would still want to snuggle with me when he was in high school.  I told him probably not, and that made him sob.  It made me cry too.

It seemed like just yesterday we were thinking ahead to when Caleb would go to school, saying "We still have a few years to figure it out."  Tomorrow.  ........It was a moment ago I contemplated the decision to lay aside my career and stay at home full time, at least until my children were in school.  And boy, did that time seem like an eternity.  Tomorrow.  Where did the time go?  Away.

My mom told me once that's the thing about time.  The days drag on, while the years slip away.  I hope I am learning.  I hope I am loving.  I hope I have absorbed every minute of every day of these precious years at home with my babies.

It struck me today, since I'm pregnant with what we assume will be our last child, that I, Lord willing, have exactly that amount of time left with my youngest....the same amount of time I had with Caleb at home.  And though some days may drag on, it will be gone......Tomorrow.

Do I regret my decision to stay at home?  Never.  You can't buy back time, no matter how much money you have....and I wouldn't trade any single minute with my son.  Before I know it, they will all be gone.....living  and experiencing life on their own.  Time will disappear like water pours through my hand, and someday soon that day will be.....Tomorrow.

Sweet blessings to you, my dear Caleb, from this Mama's sad heart.  I am excited for your future and am trying so hard to have open hands.  God bless you, my dear sweet bug.

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