Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Another piece of goodbye and a new beginning

Two nights ago, little Grace moved out of the little bassinet in our room and into the room of her big sister Anna Ruth.  This is the same little green bassinet we've had in our room for all four babies, and soon we'll be taking it down for the last time.  Given our very small bedroom and the fact that every square foot of floor space is valuable, one would think I would be happy to be rid of it.  But alas...it mostly strikes a melancholy chord.

And now what? Do I sell it for a song?....that little bassinet that has held all of my babies?  Sending away those two tiny white bears hanging above that have always become the fascination of the little ones laying within.  With each child, I had a hard time not moving the bears along with them to their new bed.  Yet, they have remained with the bassinet to the fascination of the next child.

Gracie's new bed upstairs has likewise been the crib of all of our children, built for Caleb's birth by Grandpa B, the strong, sturdy crib is a beautiful piece of furniture and comes with its own set of memories.  Caleb falling out and breaking his arm....Emet's little chew marks on the rail....the jagged edge of the glued bar that was snapped off by Papa in an effort to free little Anna Ruth's stuck leg.  And the months ahead will tell what stories Gracie will add to the book.

And then what?  Do we dismantle and store it away for our grandchildren? Will Grandpa B be around when it is set up again?   Will I remember the little marks on the side were chewed by Emet?

So, up the stairs we went tonight - me and my Grace.  I sat down for the first time with her in the rocking chair, and we sang Jesus Loves Me as she pushed back her little neck and happily bobbed her head.  Being my last child, I think I might know to treasure those moments a bit more than I did in the past, for I know from experience three times over that though the days seem endless, the next two years will fly past. There might only be a hand full of times that I actually remember sitting down with Grace to rock, just her and I...undistributed by the world around us.

And so the adventure begins anew, two little girls beginning the walk of sisterhood and the joys and struggles of sharing a room.....and giggles and squeals will now abound aplenty from both sides of the hall, as brothers and sisters make the memories that will be their childhood memories in their childhood home.

And I, as their Mama, will continue to watch, astonished, as these beautiful moments pass before my very eyes.....trying my best to capture what I can, to experience the joy of the moments, and to unclench my fists....allowing God to move things away so that new things can be placed there.  Easier said than done, I believe.

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